Crying While Painting

We mostly learn lessons in hindsight. Many tears were shed without understanding why this was happening when it happened. Thick clouds of confusion slowly lifted, leaving room for the sunlight to illuminate this new landscape in bloom.

Joy through pain is the central idea behind the painting "Crying While Painting," inspired by my own experience as a beginner painter. The bright colours represent the bloom after the rain, and we can see a character's tear watering the surrounding garden. He/She is looking into the horizon while slowly shedding parts of himself/herself to make room for new experiences, new perspectives. All around him/her, flowers are budding and blooming. All this pain may have been for something after all.

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Unlike any other creative pursuit, I discovered that painting let me tap into parts of myself that had solidified in my subconscious, usually unable to be dislodged. In my early days as a painter, by spreading colours on the canvas, I broke down walls within my consciousness and processed a lot of emotional baggage that, up to that point, had been shaping my daily life.

These first 14 canvases, in which I couldn't help but cry while painting, are the backbone of this new artistic emancipation, and I wouldn't be who I am today if all this pain hadn't resurfaced to be processed. I look back on this messy season with fondness, knowing how much it taught me.